A psa to my youngest followers:
- An older adult solely hanging with younger teens (I’m talking 25yo & 15yo) and who doesn’t seem to have any other adult friend is a red flag.
- An older adult talking to a younger teen and saying stuff like “you’re the only one who understands me” “I’d hurt myself if you weren’t there” “You’re my only friend” is a red flag.
- Someone (regardless of age) who constantly ends up in discourse & drama is a red flag.
- If you’re afraid to talk to your friend(s), if you feel like you’ve got to tiptoe as to not set them off and get yelled at/ostracized/worse, that’s a red flag.
Please take care.
Adding some green flags cause I was told only the bad growing up and was super worried it was weird to hang out with a 31 year old when I was 22-23 which it’s normal to have a wider spread of ages in friends after college. (ofc the above is super important, and green flags can also help you determine which adults are okay to hang out with).
Green flags:
- Makes sure you are comfortable/ respects your boundaries. (Backs off if they notice you are uncomfortable, offers to hang out in safe places including in public, with your parents present, etc)
- Is cool with you having other people tag along when you hang out (your parents, a friend, an older sibling, etc)
- Your friendship focuses on shared interests, and doesn’t wander into any overly personal areas (made a friend at a knitting class at the community center? Great! Don’t be afraid to learn from them and only be knitting friends. It’s okay if that leads to other shared interest too, as long as it doesn’t have the red flags above)
Anyway, keep a look out for the red flags, but don’t let that prevent you from getting to know adults IF you feel comfortable or if YOU want to.
I grew up in a very controlling household, and I wish I got to know more adults outside my family, so I could’ve seen more examples of how you could live life as an adult and I could’ve learned a lot more of the things my parents failed to teach me.
